SEARCH The Web  GameSpy   GameSpy Forums  

GameSpy Forums » Legacy GameSpy Forums » The Gallery The Regs, the n00bs, and the Spammers.
Topic: The Regs, the n00bs, and the Spammers.
MAGIC CLAW!
Posts: 917
Join Date: Oct '01
His spurs made a clinking sound as he strode into the forum.
Old Man DarkFlow woke up from his afternoon nap and peered out at the new arrival from beneath the wide rim of his battered Stetson hat. His eyes widened, this stranger looked like trouble. He spoke, despite his nervousness.
"H-howdy, you new in town?"
The stranger's eyes, partially hidden by his black hat, narrowed. He walked by DarkFlow, the lights of twin cordless optical mice clearly visible in holsters on either side of his hips, a short black jacket covered his body, the waist coming up short above the top of the holsters so it wouldn't affect his draw.

He saw the sign "The Pub" and walked into the building, the swinging double doors seeming to open by itself, as if it was afraid of this figure in black.
Conversation in the bar stopped. An aura of menace seemed to fill the room. Young, hotblooded men fingered their own mice, none as good as the stranger's, while wiser minds looked for a place to take cover.
The stranger walked slowly up the bar, ignoring the rest of the people in the saloon. He leaned against the hardwood of the stained and scarred counter, and looked at the barman, CookieJesus.
"Whisky."
Cookie selected one of his few clean glasses and filled it up. With great care, he set the shot glass down in front of the man, who downed it.
"Again."
Cookie poured another measure of whisky into the glass, this time, the man didn't drink it at once.
"I'm lookin' for BangBang." he said.
"The Moderator? She's at the Moderator Discussion forum." Cookie said, his voice shaking slightly and his eyes unable to look away from the stranger's mice.
The stranger walked away, Cookie's business sense won over his common sense and he spoke up.
"That's a half dollar for the two whiskys, sir."
The man's hand hovered over his mouse. Every armed person in the bar put their hand on their mouse. The man smiled, and his hand moved below his mouse again.
"Tell her Mad CoG came to see her. I'll be in the pr0nhouse."
He reached into his pocket, threw a couple of coins onto the counter, and walked out.

McKree touched up his lipstick, looking at his reflection in his large, well lit mirror and taking care not to smudge.
A new man had come into the pr0nhouse that day, Mckree hadn't liked him at all. Still, he did what he must to earn an honest living, and he ran the cleanest pr0nhouse in the area. None of his girls (well, boys, but they did wear dresses) had syphilis or Spititis.
The man was sleeping now in one of the rooms. Mckree wanted to call the moderator, but he hadn't actually done anything wrong so he couldn't be banned.
A loud bang startled Mckree out of his daze. It sounded like a door being thrown open. He stood up, checked that his little two-button trackball was nestled safely in his bodice, and moved quietly out of the room and into the lounge area of the pr0nhouse building. He saw BangBang slouching in one of the armchairs, a foot resting on a small glass topped table. Her hand rested near her Logitech, as it always did. BangBang would have been beautiful, but a large scar twisted the side of her face, it was rumoured she got it when her father was banned, but she never talked about it. Some said she was heartless, but those who had gotten to know her a bit more, or were just smarter, knew that she was hurtin' inside.

"Where's Mad CoG, Mckree?" she asked.
"Now BangBang, you know I give my clients anonymity." Mckree said, reluctant to extend this to the violent looking man sleeping in a nearby room.
"Don't play games with me hooker. Your kind make me sick, but I put up with you because I have to." BangBang paused to spit, a wad of phlegm hit the spitoon making a clanging sound. "Folks who try to obstruct justice though, they're another matter. You feel like obstructing justice sonny? I got a ban with your name on it."
Mckree shook his head.
"Alright, alright. He's in room 3b. Be careful though Moderator, he's armed to the teeth."
"Don't worry missy, there won't be any banning. Not yet anyhow."

BangBang stood up and strode over to the room mentioned by Mckree. Her booted foot kicked it in and the slam startled Mad CoG awake. He went for the mouse hanging by the bed but BangBang was faster.
"Now listen to me, Mad CoG. You make trouble in this forum and you're out. I'll ban you so fast you'll think I'm on a dual T1 line. I know you've been causing trouble all over ForumPlanet, you try anything here and it won't end well for you."
"Well gosh moderator." Mad CoG said in a sarcastic tone. "I've learnt my lesson since those days, see, and I won't be causing no trouble anywhere!"
BangBang growled, and strode out of the room. By the time Mad CoG had gotten to his mouse, she was gone.

BangBang sat hunched over her morning bowl of Cheerios in the saloon. Every part of her was screaming to ban Mad CoG, but when she'd taken up the Moderator badge she'd taken responsibilities with it. Never ban an innocent person, don't post Goatse, rules she had to obey, even if it cost her her forum account.
"BANGBANG!" roared a voice from the bright street outside. "I'm calling you out! High noon tommorow, here, quickest finger on the left mouse button wins!"
There was the sound of fading hoofbeats. Sheps, the town drunk, looked out of the window.
"He's gone, riding south."
"I'll be ready." BangBang said, adjusting her Logitech Optical. "I've always been ready."

BangBang woke, her eyes snapped open immediately. Something was wrong. She looked at the chair next to her bed where she kept her mouse. The holster was empty, on the floor were the plastic shards that was all that remained of her most prized possession. She wasn't the crying type, but right then she felt like it.
The sound of a fist hammering on the door made her dry her tears. She heard someone outside shouting.
"Sheriff! Someone's smashed up all the mice in town! It must have been Mad CoG."
BangBang swore. That was CoG's idea of a duel? She paused, and frowned in thought. Wasn't there still...
The renewed knocking on her door made her open it. DarkFlow stumbled into the room in his PowerPuff Girl pajamas, wringing his hands nervously.
"What are we gonna DO Moderator? We ain't got no defense against Mad CoG!"
BangBang didn't reply, she climbed up the ladder to the attic of her house. DarkFlow partially followed her, pausing at the top few steps to see what she was doing.
She straighted up from in front of an old wooden packing crate. In her hands was a mouse.
"We do now." she said.

"You sure that old thing works?" DarkFlow asked, viewing the new found peripheral with a mixture of relief and horror.
It was, indeed, an old mouse. An ancient mouse. A mouse from a time when a scroll wheel was state of the art. It had two buttons, it had a PS2 port, it was a ball mouse, yellow with age.
"It'll work" BangBang said "just one last time."
The mouse had belonged to her father, he had used it to uphold the FAQ like his father had before him. It had long since been retired, eventually moved from it's spot above the fireplace to the packing crate by BangBang's mother since it reminded her of her late husband's death every time she looked at it.
BangBang spent the hours until noon repairing it, a lot of fluff and dust had found it's way into the inner works and it was a tough job to get it all out. When she had finished with that she oiled all the moving parts. She finished, put the mouse back together, and looked at the clock on the bookshelf. Five to noon.

Mad CoG swaggered into the forum like he was the admin. He laughed as assorted n00bs and regs scurried into their homes and locked the doors. BangBang strode out and stood in the middle of the street, facing Mad CoG.
"Well lookie here! If it ain't the moderator! I hear that all of the town's mice have been smashed, damn shame ain't it? Guess you'll just have to get banned and there ain't a thing you can do about it."
BangBang shifted her belt around. The holster, complete with mouse which had previously been hidden from view, came into Mad CoG's line of sight. Mad CoG looked scared for a moment, then laughed.
"That there mouse should be in a museum, Moderator! In fact, it kinda looks familiar. Say, didn't it belong to your pappy? I knew your pa. Hell, I banned him! And I'm gonna ban you too! Ain't no way an old piece of junk like that will win against me and my Intellimouse!" Mad CoG looked at the town church's clock. It was a minute away from noon.
"Ready to get banned, Mad CoG?" BangBang asked.
"You can't ban me, BangBang, I have a dynamic IP."
"Then I'll ban your whole goddamn subnet."

The clock struck noon. The sound of a mouse click filled the windless air. A drop of sweat rolled down BangBang's scarred cheek, she closed her eyes.
Mad CoG laughed.
"I knew that old mouse would never work! Well, I'm kind of sad you never had kids, cos now I've banned your entire family!"
Mad CoG paused in mid gloat, something wasn't right.
"Hey, why do I hurt? I..." he looked down, a large "BANNED" sticker was on his chest. He dropped to his knees.
"No... it can't end like this! I had so many forums to troll... I can't be banned! NOOOOooooo" his scream trailed off as the last of his life left him.
"That was for you, dad." BangBang said quietly.

 

-----signature-----
______________________________
[GSF]Suerte: Anyone want to cyber with my cat?
Moo: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN NAKED

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Guest
Posts: 5,691
Join Date: Apr '02
In Reply To #1

Have a Whiskey for that fine writing, stranger.

 

-----signature-----
_______
Art

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Sergeant
Posts: 1,843
Join Date: Apr '02
Win. To the max, extreme, and beyond.

 

-----signature-----
...the one constant in the universe is change...

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Spankz  4809 posts
5093_monkey
Guest
Posts: 4,809
Join Date: Apr '01

 

-----signature-----
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
<red>N</red>ever <red>U</red>nderestimate <red>M</red>e.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
DocSar  7216 posts
5152_1108966-icon

Posts: 7,216
Join Date: Jun '01
In Reply To #1

Hell yes.

 

-----signature-----
aPPLE
pIE
iCE
cREAM

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Guest
Posts: 141
Join Date: Mar '03
In Reply To #1
You are either a comedic genius or just extremely good at passive-agressive flaming...

 


Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
MAGIC CLAW!
Posts: 917
Join Date: Oct '01
In Reply To #6
No flaming intended. I was trying to make BangBang a badass in the story, which reminds me, I was going to have her riding a pig instead of a horse (as in hog, as in motorcycle).
Though there is CoG, but who gives a shit about what he thinks?

It wasn't intended as a flame for anyone, BangBang is badass in real life so she was ideal for the character, and CoG was chosen because his name rhymed with 'dog', which let me use the Mad CoG joke. DarkFlow only has a bit part, I just chose his name at random really, Sheps is THE drunken Aussie, and I think he'd get a laugh out of being the old drunk, and CookieJesus isn't a bartender but he is a chef, so that's near enough. And Mckree, well, he is a prostitute and we all know it, but we love him nonetheless.

In Reply To #9
Yeah, but bartenders in the Wild West only served whisky, or, if they were in Mexico, tequila. I expect Cookie loves those drinks too, but he isn't married to them.

 

-----signature-----
______________________________
[GSF]Suerte: Anyone want to cyber with my cat?
Moo: YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO REMAIN NAKED

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Master of the Obvious
Posts: 13,890
Join Date: Mar '02
In Reply To #7
You did a good job of passive aggressive flaming with me by not including me... *sniff*

 

-----signature-----
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Ce he do dhaidi?

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Sergeant
Posts: 1,843
Join Date: Apr '02
In Reply To #7
I thought he was bartender because he loves beer.

 

-----signature-----
...the one constant in the universe is change...

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Kazoey  902 posts
Board Guest
Posts: 902
Join Date: Nov '01
The Funnay is strong with this one.

 

-----signature-----
"When I want your opinion I'll give it to you. Now shut up." - Kazoey

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Guest
Posts: 141
Join Date: Mar '03
In Reply To #7
I noticed the "Mad CoG, Mckree" joke.

Mad Dog McCree got PCG's lowest rating ever; 4%.

I was gonna point it out but forgot when I hit submit and never really felt like coming back to edit my post.

 


Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Not Dead, Just Resting
Posts: 17,099
Join Date: Sep '01

Amusing.

 

-----signature-----
And I still hate you.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Guest
Posts: 1,104
Join Date: Jul '02
In Reply To #1
Awesome story Quiz, once again you show us all your rockage.

 

-----signature-----
"Theres something seriously wrong with people who go around quoting themselves" - Me

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Covert Agent
Posts: 1,348
Join Date: Jun '01
Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful job! (applause and confetti!)Encore! Phweeet!

 

-----signature-----
***Proud producer of "Drink 'Til You Steal Your Own Flag" beer. ***

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Private
Posts: 1,325
Join Date: Feb '02
o_q

Brilliant idea, brilliant execution.

*applauds in a highly sophisticated manner*

 

-----signature-----
____________________________
TheMaestro: you should add TWO of it to your sig

Nyopallo: Oh man... Maestro, that's brilliant.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Guest
Posts: 808
Join Date: Aug '02
In Reply To #1

HarHar

 

-----signature-----
digital bath

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
GameSpy Forums » Legacy GameSpy Forums » The Gallery The Regs, the n00bs, and the Spammers.
© 2012 IGN Entertainment, Inc (9.02.17.2300, MEDIAPRDBOARD04) 0.062