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Topic: I made this story for Starcraft...Enjoy. (Hey, Fin.I apologize for using your name for a character.)
Soldier
Posts: 95
Join Date: Nov '02
There stands a solider,in shock of what he has seen. Of the carnage that has taken place.
He is speechless. His mind cannot compute just what happened. He looks at the dead bodies of his friends and enemies. He smells the ordor of death. He has forgotten where his squad just went. They probally don't care either, because he's dead to them.
He trudges up the rocky hill to the Terran Colony #7. He is blasted with the images of dead zerg and terrans. Why the fuck was he picked to become a terran Marine? He would've done fine with the job of an SCV.
He looks around at the soliders dead. Hydralisks,dead. Innoncent cilivians dead. Buildings up in flames. Little bits and pieces of Creep sticking upon his shoes.
His emotions are getting to him. He is sniffing and tearing up. "Why?" he asks. No one answer.He screams out louder "Why the fuck do you sarifice young men to do your dirty work?! Huh? Fucking cowards! that what you all are! Heartless bastards." He yells louder unto the sky. It seems not to care. Like anyone else here.
He feels numb. He feels dead. But,why I'm still here. He thinks. He scraggles around the place until he trips over a dead firebat's body. The impact of his head hitting his helmets brings him nothing. He goes into a crying jag. His mind is racing at 100,000 KMPH. He didn't get it why he had to fight the zerg. He had no qualms with them. Neither the protoss. He gave them great respect. What they didn't have in firepower, they made it up in numbers.
He flashes back to what his sargent said to him before the week long bloody battle:
</b>Ladies and Gentlemen, What you are participate in, is a matter of life and death for your fellow terrans. You must destroy the scum before they take over the universe. When you go off this Dropship, I expect you to perform as admirably as you can. SEMPER FI,SOLIDERS!<b>
He remeber the whole company being pumped up. He remeber what the others said they would do if they got a hand on any Zerg. These people still had Mar Sara etched into their memory. And he remeber what the sargeant had said about their objectives:
</i> I expect you take out this ZERG colony that has surronded Terran Colony number seven. And I expect you to take it out as soon as possible.<i>
He flashed back to reality. All those people who said they were gonna kill all the zerg they see, were dead. Acid still smoking on the corpses. Skin were singed beyond any recongization. Legs and Arms and Chests And Heads, all taken off.
It was Ironic after all, that he was laying with the dead even through he was still breathing. He spiraling faster and faster into a mad panic. Just when he thought he would archieve such nirvania, a firebat came to him and offer him a hand. The Soldier was freaked. Who are you? He asked.
"My name's Fin." He said.And he was right. on his right breast pocket was the nametag "FIN". "Are you alright? You need a smoke? You look like shit." He said to the soldier.
"Uh......Uh....F-F-F-FIN,right?" He asked Fin. "Yup, that's mah name. Don't wear it out." he said smiling. The Soldier didn't understand. How could Fin smile? "UHH....YEAH...A smoke would be good. Even through i've never started, but the things i've seen....It would be enough to kill a man." he said to him. "I understand,man." he said to the soldier as he gave him a cigrette burning.
Just as he gave his first puff, he felt a horrible Physical pain in his left leg. Like a a million knives had just stabbed him. He screamed like a hyena and clutched the left leg, falling down. He was screaming and crying in physical pain,too.
"HOLY SHIT!" Cried out Fin as his eyes widen to see the six inch wound on his left leg."HOLY MOTHER FUCKER! Goddamn that has to hurt! HOLY SHIT! Lemme call a medic for you. JESUS CHRIST. If i wasn't in the merciful mood. I'd finish you off. But, God almighty. That has to fucking hurt." Exclaimed Fin as he called in a medic in a transport. "One alpha zero, zero, this FIN to Com.sat do you read me?!" he asked. "Yeah, i read you clearly Go on." The operatior called in non-chantly "Patrol has found a survivor. I repeat. I have found a survivor from 36th marine company. I'm not shitting you. The 36th marine Hotel company, third battlion, fourth platoon. over." Fin said.
"Holy mother of god. Hotel company? Third battlion, Fourth platoon? is that right? I have the vector map that says Hotel company was to have landed right near that zerg nest.
Jesus Christ.I'll get the medics on the way to your position. Over" Lectured the com.sat operator.

"Hey,man. It's gonna be cool. The meds is coming. they'll heal your wound." said Fin to the solider. "What's your name,by the way."he asked. "Vausser Noirinto."


To be continued.......(So what do y'all think? Sorry i couldn't come up with an original concept. sad But I playing starcraft. and this was off the top of my head. And i apologize to Fin. I Couldn't think of any other name, then FIN. I Apologize. Forgive me.

 


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Kazoey  902 posts
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My opinion: bad formatting and enough cliches to kill a cow.

 

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Covert Agent
Posts: 8,180
Join Date: Feb '01
In Reply To #1

That's fucking horrible.

 

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[P]aradox

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Sergeant
Posts: 5,246
Join Date: May '01
In Reply To #3

I see you still have all the tact and subtlety of a 700 pound gorilla on crack.

That's why I love you so.

 

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I got so pumped I kicked your mom in the face.

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Unimportant.
Posts: 8,234
Join Date: Sep '01
Don't worry, they're just openly hating your story because you're not in with'em. There are some godawful stories written by their own, and they'll praise them regardless of how shitty it is.

 

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Hail and KIll.

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Vote Chiq!
Posts: 3,927
Join Date: Nov '01
In Reply To #1
For what its worth I read it and look foreward to the next instalment.

I might sugest changeing the name though, something a little more orrigonal, and lacking the Fin to com line.

 

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Strider Hiryu
Posts: 8,390
Join Date: Jul '01
In Reply To #5

Not me. I fucking hate those things, but since I get warnings whenever I say so, I just ignore story threads. I only looked in this one to see what was up with the Fin thing.

 

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Not Dead, Just Resting
Posts: 17,099
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In Reply To #1

My little brother writes football summaries with more skill than that drivel.

 

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And I still hate you.

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Guest
Posts: 5,691
Join Date: Apr '02
In Reply To #1
Thesovietgunman posted:

And i apologize to Fin. I Couldn't think of any other name, then FIN. I Apologize. Forgive me.


Charles Dickens should be sorry too.

 

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Art

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Chump.
Posts: 9,674
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In Reply To #1

I am a shit tonne more badass than that Fin.

 

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Powered by the Letter 2
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In Reply To #10
I'm inclined to agree. A lot of people are a shit tonne more bad ass than that Fin.

 

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Chump.
Posts: 9,674
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In Reply To #11

Yeah. I mean, what the fuck? He wasn't even a ninja, and he didn't have demon powers.

 

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I will never quit

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Not Dead, Just Resting
Posts: 17,099
Join Date: Sep '01
In Reply To #12

...Which you don't have either, but that's beside the point. He would most probably have needed them to equal you. Well, either that or the ability to be perpetually pissed off and appearing cool because of it.

 

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And I still hate you.

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Wham Bam Spank You Mam
Posts: 4,428
Join Date: Jan '02
In Reply To #1

You should be a screenwriter for Miramax.

 

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Covert Agent
Posts: 8,180
Join Date: Feb '01
In Reply To #5

No, really, I mean it's awful. If he'd payed more than the slightest attention to spelling, grammar, and formatting, I wouldn't be half as blunt as I was. If he posts a messy piece that looks like he wrote it while hanging upside down and simultaneously giving a goat a blow job, then I'm not going to bother to offer constructive criticism.

 

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[P]aradox

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Vote Chiq!
Posts: 3,927
Join Date: Nov '01
In Reply To #15
sooooooooooooo what your really trying to say is it has potential he just needs to rework the formating and double check the grammer?

 

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