SEARCH The Web  GameSpy   GameSpy Forums  

GameSpy Forums » Legacy GameSpy Forums » The Gallery At long last, after... okay, bloody ...
1   2  
Topic: At long last, after... okay, bloody ages, it's Morbid's Great Gnome Journey! Chapter 12!
Powered by the Letter 2
Posts: 3,424
Join Date: Jun '01
Welcome back to the greatest story ever told, or written, or even conceived. Did I mention I’m humble too? Anyway, to refresh your memory, our heroes are standing at Dr. Sarcasm’s spaceship launch pad, where Plissken the monkey is duct taped to the helm of the almost impossibly hazardous looking ship. Management, the giant floating head and the Underworld’s ex-payroll executive is at the controls.

Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11


And, without further ado, we continue the story.

------------------------------------------

Mr.Zilla and I took up positions nearby, and looked on disinterestedly.
‘He doesn’t look very happy in there.’ observed MrZilla.
‘Yes, well, neither would you if you were about to die with a big rocket strapped to your bum, metaphorically speaking, of course.’ I replied.
‘Of course. In fact, an appropriate analogy might be that he looks about as scared as a very scared monkey.’
‘Yes… wait! What? That’s not an analogy! An analogy has to be different but the same!’
‘So, you’re saying that he doesn’t look like a very scared monkey?’
‘Yes… wait… no. I’m confused!’
‘Well, at least we can agree on something then.’
At that, I just looked at him, feeling deflated, and as though I’d lost something important and had no idea what it was.

It was then that Dr.Sarcasm walked over to us, and said ‘You’d best be standing a bit further away, unless you relish that barbecue feeling all over your body. That reminds me to buy steak.’
‘Erm, ok, we’ll just go stand over there near Management shall we?’
‘Good chap.’ He said, and walked back to his own station.

We walked over to Management who was standing at the controls and reading off seemingly random numbers.
He looked up at us, grinned, and said ‘We’re about to launch, all that’s left to do is push the big red button.’
I looked at the control pad. There were two big red buttons.
‘Erm…’ I ventured, ‘which big button?’
‘What? Oh. Um…’
‘You don’t know, do you?’
‘Well… not as such, no. Neither does the Doc. But still, a fifty/fifty chance isn’t bad.’
‘Why don’t you just hit them both?’
‘Because the other one just makes the fuel tanks explode.’
‘Explode?!? What possible reason is there for having a big red button to do that?’
‘The Doc always puts one of them on everything.’
‘The Doc is insane!’
‘Well… we have to press one of them.’
‘Why? Why not press neither, and then we can go have a cup of tea and a biscuit.’
‘No… I’m pretty sure we’re out of both.’
‘No tea and biscuits?!?’ cried MrZilla, ‘What kind of establishment is this?’
‘The poorly equipped kind, as is often found IN A DESERT!’ retorted Management, obviously annoyed at the new direction the conversation had taken. ‘Back to the issue of explosions. Maybe we should flip a coin?’
‘Like that would be better than choosing at random?’
‘Well… then we can blame the coin, if it all goes wrong.’
‘‘We’? No, there’s only ‘you’! Still, it’s a good idea, but I haven’t got a coin.’
‘Neither do I. What else can we use?’
‘Well… we could just hurl MrZilla at the console and let him stumble onto one of them. Then we could blame it on him, or take the credit for the idea, depending on the outcome.’
‘Good idea!’
‘Oi! You’ll be doing no such thing!’ yelled MrZilla, and hurled a brick at Management.
Management dodged and the brick hit the console. It managed to hit one of the buttons, and then slid down and activated the second button.
The outcome was rather spectacular. The first button had been the launch button, so the ship had begun to lift off, and then it exploded when the second button had been activated. The explosion was a massive wave of blinding light and a deafening roar which rather truncated Dr.Sarcasm’s maniacal laugh of success.

‘Well…’ began Management, ‘couldn’t have foreseen that!’
‘Indeed.’
‘You know, the Doctor will probably try to kill you both for this.’
‘Well,’ I said ‘that only means we have to run away.’

And so we did. We did, in fact, run to the Doctor’s car. The car was a glorious Volkswagen beetle, with all the features.
We got inside, and started her up, and sped off into the distance, leaving only the Doctor’s faint shouting of ‘What is this brick doing here? Did you put this brick here? Who put this brick here?’ and, shortly later, ‘What? Stealing my beetle? Bring back my beetle!’
‘By the seven headed sea goddess! Would you look at this car?’ MrZilla said, admiringly.
‘I’m not sure a description of this particular sort of car deserves the prefix ‘By the seven headed sea goddess’, Zilla.’
‘But it has an ashtray!’
‘All cars have ashtrays!’
‘Do all cars have removable ashtrays?’ MrZilla asked, removing the ashtray.
‘No, and neither did this one! Look, you’ve put a bloody great hole in the car!’
‘No I haven’t, there’s some sort of console here, with a button.’ MrZilla said, pushing the button.
I had just enough time to scream ‘Don’t push that button!’ before everything changed.
Now the Beetle seemed to be high above a city, in front of a skyscraper, and moving at an ever increasing velocity in a downward direction. Despite my best efforts, there’s no mechanism on the steering wheel of a Volkswagen beetle that makes it go up.
‘AAAHHHHHH!’ I screamed, ‘PRESS IT AGAIN, ZILLA! PRESS IT AGAIN!’
MrZilla managed to overcome the ever increasing g-forces and press the button once again. This button press placed us outside a pizzaria, and a bowling alley. There was a flashing neon sign which said ‘Roger Davis’ Pizzaria, Bowling Alley and Brick plant Emporium. Reasonable prices.’
‘Hey, we’re here!’ said MrZilla.
I slowly unclawed my hands from the steering wheel, and turned to MrZilla.
‘We’re here, Zilla,’ I said weakly, ‘we’re finally here.’
‘Yes, and they have ‘reasonable prices, so lets go.’
‘I’m so happy I could… I could… What’s the word, Zilla?’
‘Jump up and down?’ MrZilla suggested lamely.
‘No, it’s to do with eyes.’
‘Bleed?’
‘No, it’s when liquid gushes from them uncontrollably.’
‘That’s bleed, alright.’
‘It’s not bleed!’ I yelled.
‘Look, whatever, okay? You can stay out here if you like, but I’m going inside for some pizza!’ MrZilla said firmly. He got out of the car and walked into the pizzaria. I waited a few moments, and then followed him in.

I entered the Pizzaria to see MrZilla waiting for me.
‘I hardly believe it, old Roger himself is at the desk!’ he told me, ‘Come on over and I’ll introduce you.’
‘Okay.’ I said, following him over to the desk.
'Hello.' said MrZilla to Roger, grinning.
'AHHHHHHH!' screamed Roger.
'What's the matter? Aren't you glad to see me?' asked MrZilla.
'NO!' yelled Roger.
'Why not?'
'Last time I saw you, you hit me in the face with a brick!' cried Roger, wincing.
'It was only half a brick, and it was accidental!'
'You did it three times! Each one significantly harder than the last!'
'Um... those were accidents too...'
'LIES!' shouted Roger.
'Anyway, no real harm done.'
'No real harm done? I was comatose for several weeks, I only woke up a few seconds before they were about to switch me off! The brain damage you caused has made me walk funny ever since!'
'Yeah... I noticed that, but I didn't want to say anything.'
‘Uh…’ I said, interrupting, ‘we don’t seem to have been formally introduced.’
‘What?’ said Roger, blinking, ‘Who the hell are you?’
‘I’m the poor miscreant that this little bugger abducted and took on a rather unwanted adventure, which, despite completing countless tasks, I still appear to be on. Now a bloody rubber duck has me looking for some ‘sceptre of might’ which, knowing the sort of life I’ve been having, is highly likely to turn out to be a some sort of sponge-on-a-stick! But I’m not bitter, not bitter at all… oh yeah, my name is Morbid. Pleased to meet you, given the circumstances.’
‘Uh… yeah. Pleased to meet you.’
‘Oh yes, we also have to find a pizza for the rubber duck, which is why we’re here.’
‘Why does a rubber duck need a pizza?’
‘I don’t know, I didn’t think to ask!’
‘Well, what sort does he like?’
‘I dunno… I…’ I paused, and broke into an evil grin, ‘do you, by any chance, sell duck pizza?’
Roger broke into a sly grin and said ‘Not usually, but I could make one for you.’
‘Oh, how much?’
‘Well… that’s the question, isn’t it?’
‘Your sign says reasonable prices!’
‘Yes, it does, doesn’t it?’
‘I have this uncomfortable feeling about the direction this conversation is headed.’
‘Indeed.’ Roger said, grinning, ‘Usually my prices are very reasonable, but as you’re accompanied by… our mutual ‘friend’, it’s gonna be a little extra.’
‘What do you mean ‘extra’?’
‘I have a quest for you.’ He said, sniggering.
I paused a moment, and held my breath. Then I breathed out and my shoulders sagged with the knowledge I had no choice.
‘I hate my life.’ I said, staring blankly at Roger.
At that, MrZilla tugged on my trousers.
I looked down and asked him ‘What is it, Zilla?’
‘I hate your life too.’
‘Shut up, Zilla.’ I said, softly.

Once again we reach the end of the chapter.
The following questions have yet to be answered:
What kind of Volkswagen Beetle was that?
What’s this new quest?
Wasn’t Roger Davis supposed to be a good sort of chap?
Where can you get a sponge-on-a-stick?

Until next time, folks.

 

-----signature-----
================
Powered by bread.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Not Dead, Just Resting
Posts: 17,099
Join Date: Sep '01

Strange. But then again, that was only expectable.

 

-----signature-----
And I still hate you.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Powered by the Letter 2
Posts: 3,424
Join Date: Jun '01
In Reply To #2
Yes, one does not normally go into my threads expecting a dose of normality, does one?

 

-----signature-----
================
Powered by bread.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Mckree  13171 posts
5027_hat
Guest
Posts: 13,171
Join Date: Feb '01
Fear the story, for it is GNOME!

 


Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
NH04  770 posts
5069_ut
Private
Posts: 770
Join Date: Jun '02
In Reply To #1
Is it a magical journey also?

 


Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Covert Agent
Posts: 8,180
Join Date: Feb '01
In Reply To #1

Do I feature anywhere in the story? I'm too lazy to go through it all.

 

-----signature-----
[P]aradox

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
DocSar  7216 posts
5152_1108966-icon

Posts: 7,216
Join Date: Jun '01
In Reply To #1
Morbid posted:

Anyway, to refresh your memory, our heroes are standing at Dr. Sarcasm’s spaceship launch pad, where Plissken the monkey is duct taped to the helm of the almost impossibly hazardous looking ship.


Woah, I think I need to do a little back-tracking...

 

-----signature-----
aPPLE
pIE
iCE
cREAM

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
a man.
Posts: 3,113
Join Date: Sep '01
HEH, I really have to read all of these grin

 

-----signature-----
www.chadomalley.com

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Vote Chiq!
Posts: 3,927
Join Date: Nov '01
In Reply To #8
Yes you do, they are fantastic simply for the reason I am in them a few times.

IRT #1
Wheres the stuff I contributed, or will that be in the next installment?

 

-----signature-----
__________________________________
Management is not responsible for lost or stolen virginity.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Private
Posts: 1,325
Join Date: Feb '02
Once again, incredible, Morbid. At long last, the next chapter...Now don't you go and make me wait so long for another, ya bastard.

 

-----signature-----
____________________________
TheMaestro: you should add TWO of it to your sig

Nyopallo: Oh man... Maestro, that's brilliant.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Powered by the Letter 2
Posts: 3,424
Join Date: Jun '01
In Reply To #6
Actually, yes. On one of the first chapters. You play good bunny cop to Eccentric's bad bunny cop.

[added Oct 8 2003 3:36AM]

In Reply To #5
There have been parts with magic in it, yes.

 

-----signature-----
================
Powered by bread.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Mckree  13171 posts
5027_hat
Guest
Posts: 13,171
Join Date: Feb '01
In Reply To #11

Ah yes, Eccentric, where has he gone...

 


Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Powered by the Letter 2
Posts: 3,424
Join Date: Jun '01
In Reply To #9
Will have to see. This chapter got rid of numerous ideas that have been sitting around on my hard drive for months.

 

-----signature-----
================
Powered by bread.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Kazoey  902 posts
Board Guest
Posts: 902
Join Date: Nov '01
I love your stories Mister Morbid.

 

-----signature-----
"When I want your opinion I'll give it to you. Now shut up." - Kazoey

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Board Guest
Posts: 1,641
Join Date: Jun '01
In Reply To #6
Ditto with me. What about me?

 

-----signature-----
----------
Feels.. funny.. Having posts in the single digits again. CURSE the lack of a global profile thingy!

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
Vote Chiq!
Posts: 3,927
Join Date: Nov '01
In Reply To #8
good luck its currently 39 pages long in word.

 

-----signature-----
__________________________________
Management is not responsible for lost or stolen virginity.

Locked Topic | Active Topic Notification | Private Message | Post History | Report Post,Report
1   2  
GameSpy Forums » Legacy GameSpy Forums » The Gallery At long last, after... okay, bloody ...
© 2012 IGN Entertainment, Inc (9.02.17.2300, MEDIAPRDBOARD02) 0.125