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Author Topic: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby
tacoprophet  1879 posts
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Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/7/04 3:51pm
All right, in this case it's a Liberian bank scam... but you get the idea.

So, the background:

I keep a throwaway email address at all times. Whenever I have to provide an email address to sign up for something (and I can't get away with a fake one), I use it. So, naturally, it gets spammed to hell and back. That's kinda the point.

This weekend, I got one of those lovely bank scam emails. Being the charming, happy go lucky guy I am, I promptly responded expressing my deep and heartfelt concern and alarm over this poor scammer's situation. I found myself vastly amusing and thought no more of it.

Today, I got a response from him. Now, having read the saga of the P-p-p-powerbook, I couldn't help but think to myself, "Self, now wouldn't it be grand if we had some kind of community full of The Funny that could help us draft responses of incredible hilarity to this jackass?"

That's where you come in.

I need ideas, baby. I figure that it is a moral imperative to screw with this jerk. I have a couple of ideas at the moment, but some of you brilliant monkeys make me laugh until my drink comes out of my nose at work (not a pleasant experience with carbonated drinks).

GIVE UNTO TACO YOUR COMEDIC GENIUS!

Hit me with your best shot.

Here are the emails so far:

<code>
Date: Sun, 6 Jun 2004 20:23:36 +0200
From: UNHOLY FILTHY SPAMMING SPAWN OF MY COLLEGE EX-GIRLFRIEND (a.k.a. "Frank Chesson")
Subject: In good Faith !!

Dear Respected one,

I know this mail may come to you as a surprise, especially
since we do not know each other in person. To briefly
introduce myself, my name is Mr.Frank Chesson the only son
of late Dr. Robert Doe Chesson from Banga Diamond region,
Liberia. I got your contact from the internet Information
Centre in Abidjan, Coted'Ivoire. My sources of your
contact gave me the courage and confidence to rely on you.

I am writing you in absolute confidence primarily to seek
your assistance to transfer our cash sum of Three Million
Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars
US$3,500,000.00) now in the custody of one of the prime
banks here in Abidjan to your private account pending our
arrival to your country.

SOURCE OF THE MONEY : My late father, late Dr. Robert Doe
Chesson, a native of Banga diamond region in the Southern
Province of Liberia, was the Director General of Liberia
Mining Corporation (L.M.C.) Monrovia and also the former
Minister of Finance during Samuel Doe regime before the
war broke out. According to my father, this money was the
income accrued from mining corporation's over draft and
minor sales before the peak of the civil war between the
rebels forces loyal to Sekou Damate and the combined
forces of ECOMOG peace-keeping operation that are
destroying my country, following the forceful removal from
power of the President Charles Taylor who is now in exile
by the rebels.

My father had already made arrangement for his family; my
mother, my sister and myself to be evacuated to Abidjan,
Côte d'Ivoire with our personal effects and the box
containing our valued items and documents of the deposit.
My father deposited the money on safe custody until after
the war when he will join us.

As the war is persisting in my country, and following the
indiscriminate looting of public and Government properties
by the rebel forces, the Liberia Mining corporation was
one of the targets looted and destroyed.

My father including other top Government functionaries
were attacked and killed by the rebels in March 2003
because of his relationship with the Government of
President Charles Taylor. As a result of my father's
death, and with the news of my uncle's involvement in air
crash in June, dashed our hope of survival. The untimely
deaths caused my mother's heart failure and other related
complications of which she later died in the hospital
after we must have spent a lot of money on her.

Now, my sister and myself are alone in this strange
country suffering without any care or help without any
relation, we are now orphans and refugees.

Our only hope now is in the money our father deposited in
the bank. To this effect, I humbly solicit your assistance
in the followings ways:

(1) To assist me claim this fund from the BANK as
co-beneficiary.
(2) To transfer this money in your name to your country.
(3) To make a good arrangement for a joint business
investment on our behalf in your country and you, the
care taker.
(4) To secure a college for my sister and my self in your
country to further our education. And to make
arrangement for our travel with you to your country
after you have transferred this fund, most
importantly.

The whole documents issued after deposit is in my custody
and will be forwarded to you on demand. For your
assistance, I beg to concede 15 % of this money to you for
your effort and kind assistance. If you agree to these or
have any question after you would have received this mail
please let me know via this E-mail address or you can
contact me with my telephone number 0022507830987.

Best regards,

Mr.Frank Chesson.
</code>

I promptly replied with:

<code>
Date: Sun, 6 Jun 2004 14:59:25 -0400
From: Taco
To: Frankie Boy
Subject: Re: In good Faith !!

OMGWTF THAT IS HORRIBLE I AM SO SORRY PLZ TLEL ME HOW I
CAEN HELP!
</code>

I pretty much forgot about it. Then he bit. I got this email today:

<code>
Date: Mon, 7 Jun 2004 09:48:33 +0100 (BST)
From: Dippity Doo Dah (Frankie Baby)
Subject: Thanks for your concern
To: Taco

Dear : Taco Prophet,

Thank you for your prompt response to my message and our
willingness to help me and my sister in this transaction
that we confide in you, I am 23yrs old and my younger
sister is 17yrs, I was a year 2 student of Medicine at the
university of Monrovia, before the war in my country cut
me off and I will still want to study Medicine in a nice
University in America when I get to your country, my
sister was still in a fourth year in college and will
restart in a good college also in America.

To vividly explain the fund in question US$ 3.5million was
deposited by my late father in a Gold trust account in
Bank of Africa (BOA) Abidjan-Cote d' Ivoire since on the
10th November 2002, Upon the arrival of me and my sister
here in Abidjan we visited the bank and presented all the
original documents of deposit that was issued to my late
father by the bank itself on the date he deposited the
money, they confirmed that the money is in their bank and
they will be ready to transact or invest the money for us
and will be paying us 20% interest anually from the
investments, but we are afraid to invest the money here in
Abidjan, Cote d' Ivoire because of the political crisis
still going on and by next year here there will be an
election and the different rebels oppositions groups are
waiting till then to disrubts the election process and
eventaully it will lead to a civil war just like in case
of my country even recently 2 rebels minister were remove
from thier post and this is causing a little problem in
the country. So we are plaining to get the whole money
transfer to your country because of the good political and
investments atmosphere and the bank officials are ready if
we are set.

Now I want you to help me and my sister in the following
ways:

1) To assist me claim this fund from the BANK as
co-beneficiary.
(2)To transfer this money in your name to your country.
(3)To make a good arrangement for a joint business
investment on our behalf in your country and you, the
care taker.
(4)To secure a college for my sister and me a good
university in your country to further our education and
to make arrangement for our travel with you to your
country after you have transferred this fund, most
importantly.

I do not have any business experience as a student, that
is why I so much count on your credibility in helping me
invest this fund.

Sir, I beg you to accept 15% of the total amount involved
which is US$ 3.5million (Three Million Five Hundred
Thousand United States Dollars) in this transaction
because this money is our life and future and also I will
be mapping out 2% to take care of any expenses that you
may spend during this transaction like your telephone
calls and other sundries expenses, besides this a 10% will
be paid to you from the gross profit from all investments
made by you please this is based on trust, confidence and
sincerity and I hope that you will not betray the trust I
have in you, I hope this will be ok for you, I am doing
this because I know you're very serious in wanting to help
us and you have knowledgable expirence to handle this
transaction successfully for us.

For us to get started immediately I will want you to
urgently send to me the followings so demanded by the bank
to enable the bank transfer the money sucessfully to your
bank account in America.

[A] YOUR PRIVATE BANK ACCOUNT
[B] YOUR PERSONAL TELEPHONE NUMBER AND FAX NUMBERS.
[C] BANK ACCOUNT/SORT/ABA/ROUTING NUMBERS WHICH THE FUND
WILL BE TRANSFERED TO.
[D] YOUR BANK ADDRESS, TELEPHONE NUMBERS/FAX NUMBERS.

The above information will enable the bank commence the
transfer of this funds into your account in your country
without delay, You will have to contact the bank as my
late father foreign business partner and like a family
friend that you want to bring us to live with you and also
transfer the money to your country for an investment
programme. and after the successful transfer of the whole
money to your bank account you will send me and my younger
sister to travel and meet you in your country.

Please try and call me immediately you receive this
message on our direct telephone number: 0022507 830987
dial complete for us to talk better on this transaction I
really want to know you better to build more confidence.

Once again I thank you for your sincere mind and
willingness to co-operate with me and put an end to my
long suffering. Please send to me urgently your bank
details.

May God Almighty richly bless and protect you and your
family.I am waiting for your call.

Best regards,

Frank Chesson.

N/B:
Please henceforth for more privacy kindly reply me using
this email address: ([removed -Taco])
</code>

 

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[GSF]nothing  3069 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/7/04 4:03pm
first you have to figure out what he's going to try to do. Then you need to decide how best to manipulate it. From what I know of these scams, the general procedure is as follows:

1. The emailer gains the sympathy of the recipient
2. The emailer requests help in the form of a bank account to transfer funds to
3. He/she then uses the details of this bank account to drain it for all the credit it is worth.

Personally, I don't know of any way to exploit this, however there may be ways that I can't think of. Go for it dude.

 

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[GSF]JohnDoe  1939 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/7/04 4:11pm
You should try to find out where he lives.

GSF has operatives everywhere!

0022507 830987 - could this be an existing number (it's international). Does anyone know where it is from?

 

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Thra11  398 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/7/04 4:31pm
In Reply To #1
Foward his email (with address address) to a white supremist mail list asking for help email bombing his address, make sure to point out how it is "another n****r trying to steal from a white man". Preferably you can get this guy to give you a real snail mail address and foward that to the list also. Don't forget to include the contact number so they can call it.

Then just let 2 offensive classes of human beings go after each other and walk away.

 
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[GSF]FiN  9674 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/7/04 4:34pm
Use a different email address, possibly your work one, something that looks official looking. Then email him this:

Dear Sir,

I am writing to inform you that through your email contact with our intelligence department, we have now ascertained your location and identity.

We will be sending an extraction team immediately, please wait where you are, and please do not alert anyone of our presence. Your extraction from this hostile situation contravenes several international laws, and as such this operation is of utmost secrecy.

The extraction team, although they do not know exactly what you look like (our intelligence department could only trace down one photograph, which was fuzzy and indistinct) will surround and secure your location, you are to identify yourself by saying "Badger" three times to the Major. He will reply with "Mushroom" twice. If he does not do this, try to escape, regardless of the nationalities of this unit, if they do not reply they are hostile to you, and will kill you.

I wish you luck, and leave one further instruction that upon the receival of this communicae, you should delete it, and not mention it to any one, not even your sister.

Should you require further instruction, my email is as above, and my phone number is [insert your work phone number here]. However, please keep communication to a minimum as you are in an incredibly delicate position, and hostile forces are converging on you as we speak.

Your sincerly,

Tom Cooper
Treadstone Initiative

 

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tacoprophet  1879 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/7/04 5:34pm
In Reply To #2

They generally work by getting you sympathetic and interested in that money you're going to be getting, and then they fake a series of problems... requiring some financial help from you to set aright. Since the money needed from you is insignificant compared to what you'll be getting when this whole thing comes to fruition, the idea is that you'll gladly send it. There's a lot of info about how the scam usually works here.

In Reply To #5

Yes! That's VERY similar to what I was considering.

[added Jun 7 2004 5:41PM]

JohnDoe posted:

0022507 830987 - could this be an existing number (it's international). Does anyone know where it is from?


Yeah, I was wondering the same thing. No real clue how to go about finding out. I guess I should google a bit... unless someone here recognizes the number's format...

 

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CoyoteExile  2755 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/7/04 6:32pm
In Reply To #5
Com posted:

you are to identify yourself by saying "Badger" three times to the Major. He will reply with "Mushroom" twice.


Out of no where with this while I'm trying to enjoy a frosty beverage. Thankfully my shirt is black and won't stain...

IRT #1

Let's see 15% of 3.5 million is $525,000. Enough to cover the trip to Europe for the special operation. Information that I'm absolutely sure this fine gentleman would love to have. Plus he's trying to be a doctor and what better man could a "girl" want to have once she heals and goes looking for a husband?

Plus if this course is taken you can give this guy's email to someone here to play the jilted lover and send him angry letters for stealing you away just when the dream could finally come true.

Not my best work by far but on no notice that's what came to mind.

 
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[GSF]JohnDoe  1939 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/7/04 6:37pm
In Reply To #6
The Taco Prophet posted:

Yes! That's VERY similar to what I was considering.


it's very cool, only its cooler if one or more GSFers can actually drive a black van to the guys house. so we would need his address.

If he turns out to live in holland, I'm so in!

Also, they want your sympathy ofcourse, but they want your money more. I think as long as you can get him to think you really want to send the money/help him, you can get more info out of him.

 

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tacoprophet  1879 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/7/04 8:06pm
CoyoteExile posted:

Let's see 15% of 3.5 million is $525,000. Enough to cover the trip to Europe for the special operation.
</quote>

I had considered playing the "wookin' puh nub in aww the wong pwaces" card so that I could ask questions about whether his sister had "birthing hips." The special operation card hadn't even occurred to me. I love it.

<quote by="CoyoteExile">
Plus if this course is taken you can give this guy's email to someone here to play the jilted lover and send him angry letters for stealing you away just when the dream could finally come true.


This is my favorite part. happy

 

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SladeKy  364 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/8/04 12:27pm
On the phone number, 0022507 830987, it must have the IDD International Prefix first, most often 00, followed by a country code, for ti to be international, correct?

Well, the only countries with a 002 IDD Prefix are South Korea, Paraguay, Singapore (with 'MobileOne', what ever that is, phone operator perhaps?) and Taiwan.
There are no 0022 prefixes.
So, there are no countries with a 22 for a country code, but there is ONE with 225, which is Ivory Coast, their IDD is also 00.
Panama has CC of 507, but not the first 0022.
The '07' at the end of the first could've been a City code, but I didn't find a matching one for any of the countries I mentioned.

EDIT:
great list of these codes;
http://kropla.com/dialcode.htm

 

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[GSF]JohnDoe  1939 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/8/04 12:44pm
so would there be a way to get the address that belongs to this phone number?

 

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SladeKy  364 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/8/04 12:53pm
I'm not positive, but I believe you should be able to find out the name and/or address of of the owner of a certain phone number by calling an operator that connects you to the desired phone number, and instead asking for the name of the owner of said number. Atleast this works for in-country calls over here. Researching subject now.

 

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tacoprophet  1879 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/8/04 7:20pm
I decided to try and incorporate both Fin's idea and Coyote's idea. I also decided to play with another idea I had today on my way home from work. Didn't want to lay things on too thick right at first, so I only hinted a bit at the coming fun.

I couldn't resist acting just a little bizarre though happy

Keep the ideas coming!

<code>
From: Taco
To: Frank "The Bravest Kitten" Chesson
Subject: Re: Thanks for your concern
Date: Tue, 8 Jun 2004 22:15:09 -0400

Hello my friend,

Please forgive the lateness of my response. I have been
researching your dilemma and had hoped to respond to you
with happy news and an answer to all of your problems.
Unfortunately, your situation - as I am sure you are well
aware! - is a difficult one.

I founded a small company last year, and it is a wonderful
idea if I do say so myself. Without getting into too much
detail, let me just say that Mad Cow disease is going to
make us millions! This may seem irrelevant, my friend,
but indeed it is not... please be patient and read on!

I have discussed your situation with my company, and we
are all deeply sympathetic to your condition. We are
currently discussing how we may utilize our company's
resources to assist you and your lovely sister.

I also must confess that I am eager to receive my payment
for assisting you. Although I am deeply concerned about
your situation and would gladly do anything in my power to
help you, I have been trying to save money for quite some
time in order to fund surgery which I desperately need.
With your assistance, my dream is finally in reach! Your
kind offer could not have come at a better time!

I do hope, Frank, that your situation has not worsened.
We are moving quickly on our end to assist you. We have a
traditional inspirational icon here which depicts an
adorable kitten dangling precariously from a tree branch.
Beneath this brave creature is inscribed the noble and
moving mantra, "Hang in there, baby." Many people have
found inspiration in this incredibly potent image, and
found the strength to reach for their dreams. Frank, you
must be the kitten.

Hang in there, baby!
</code>

 

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CoyoteExile  2755 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/8/04 7:26pm
In Reply To #13

The last part makes me happy in my pants. So happy I nearly busted the monitor with savage humpings.

 
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chadowen  3113 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/8/04 7:56pm
In Reply To #13

Seconded. Last paragraph does indeed make this the win.

Congrats Nacho, love ya babe.

 

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Grudgeal  17099 posts
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RE: Nigerian Bank Scams - Taco Needs Your Help, Baby 6/9/04 4:17am
In Reply To #13

Should do the trick.

 

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