That raising stuff I'm not too worried about. I'll use common sense for the most part...it's the baby stuff I'm clueless about! Like completely in the dark retarded about. I'll probably get yelled at in public by carrying her by the foot.

In Reply To #241

Oh, I know fuck all about that bit. I didn't start parenting until the boy was 12.

I've uncled for my nephew when he was only tiny, but that's a lot easier. You get to give the kid to a parent or grandparent when something confusing happens.

And it's just not as tiring when it's not yours - people think babies waking up in the middle of the night is the tiring part, but I'm pretty sure it's the "feeling like you have to be constantly aware of what's happening because you don't actually know what the fuck you're doing and anything that goes wrong is your fault" that is the really exhausting bit.

On the bright side I'm pretty sure everyone feels like that. My mum said she felt like that with me, and I was her second child.

(fun fact, though - parents of young babies are chemically altered by hormones to find crying less annoying, so loads of the scary stuff definitely just happens on autopilot. Which is handy.)

While we're talking about parenting, would it be wrong to murder my son's girlfriend because she's done a series of increasingly anxiety-laden facebook updates culminating in "why does he to go to university", "I don't want him to go to university" and "I won't be able to cope if he goes to uni, it will be too upsetting"

With some "advice" from her Dad where he suggests that she tells MY SON to go to a university nearby so that she can fucking visit. No actually he'll be going to the one that offers the best course thankyouveryfuckingmuch you useless absentee weekend dad cunt.

I am currently fighting the urge to tell her to shut the fuck up*, because if she in any way interferes with his ENTIRE FUTURE then I will be forced to destroy her and everything she holds dear.

*this will not be beneficial, but it would make me feel LOADS better.

Breathe deeply, Dave. He'll meet some prettier and more intelligent girls at university and fuck her right off. You just need to hold it together until then.

In Reply To #243

But your country is so tiny. Surely it'd only be a few hours for her to hitchike from Manchester to whatever uni he ends up in.

And if something happens while she's attempting that... *shrug*

In Reply To #243

For the unwanted social media comments, there's always the 'ol take laptop, put a few round in it and post on Youtube method.

In Reply To #241

Don't carry her by the foot. I suggest a bag, much easier. Also, if it's big enough people won't even know you brought her and thus won't have anything to complain about.

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In Reply To #243

You could try suggesting that if she truly is "the one", they'll find a way to make it work, regardless of distance. She obviously isn't, so it won't work, but I'm sure he'll find that out on his own at university. No need to mention that part.

That particular round is already chambered and ready to fire.

Fortunately the boy has played a blinder by a) not being worried or complaining about university due to girlfriend separation issues and b) not 'liking' of her neurotic shit on facebook.

I'm so proud.

In other awesome "her days are numbered" news, she has publicly bitched about him playing games online with his friends almost every day for the past fortnight.

And then when she was at our house the other day he had 'a quick go' of Far Cry 3 while she sat around looking bored for 3 hours.

*sniff* That's my boy.

She obviously doesn't understand the world's needs to retire jungle terrorists. I think the boy deserves a medal.

Just make sure she doesn't burn your house down.

Learned today off Chad that Pathogen has Hodgkin's Lymphoma and he's undergoing treatment. Says he has a decent chance of being cured.

Poor guy :(

In Reply To #249

Ugh, that sucks.

I know people who have recovered from that but it was not fun at all.

In Reply To #249

It is one of the better cancers to get.

You know, if your choices are limited to "which kind of godawful illness is going to fuck my life up for the next few years with painful treatment and make me worry that I'm going to die far too young"

Brutal :(

Bag is a good idea!

The boy will be fine S.D. Invite him to death match anytime the cunt is over and try games she might find offensive.