Since the days of yore, I have become a tattooist, indelibly marking the bodies of clients with my designs for cold hard cash. It tends to pay better than my academic endeavours, and so I've kept it up, even though I really would prefer to get paid to write books.

So, what sort of body modifications have you got, or are you thinking of getting, or do you just hate tattoos and all that jazz and would never mar your body with anything like that, at all?

I personally have four tattoos:

- A representation of a carbon atom, because y'know, nerdy as fuck.
- A design involving five hexagons, each with a symbol that concerns me and my life (The Greek character Phi, a Greek Cross, a Cog (Cog-nition, geddit?), a glider from Conway's Game of Life, and the alchemical symbol for alcohol)
- A quote from Wittgenstein ("Wovon man nicht sprechen kann, darüber muss man schweigen.")
- A quote from Asimov ("Violence is the last refuge of the incompetent") which is on my right knee, leading my friends to refer to that knee, which frequently comes into play in altercations in pubs, as "The Last Refuge".

And that's it, so far, but I'm an addict, and I've already got about half a dozen designs ready to go when I have the money.

In Reply To #1

I have one of each.

I used to have a few more piercings...

I've been thinking for a while to get a chinese dragon. It's tail wrapped around my arm, and it draped over my shoulder, one claw holding onto a pec.

But then I get stuck on what to do on my back.

You could start tattooing your stories onto customers.

One paragraph per customer.

That way you need all his customers to read the story...

In Reply To #1

Every time I see someone with a tattoo of a barbed wire armband, a Kanji character meaning "Spirit", the Playboy bunny, or a tribal pattern, I vow "Never". Then someone like you comes along with interesting, unique tattoos and I reconsider.
Nothing, at the moment. Maybe one day, but it'd have to be pretty awesome.

ALSO. FIN. When I was working in the Spaghetti Tree restaurant in Melbourne (Bourke Street), I swear I saw a dude who looked a lot like you as he was leaving the place. Have you ever been there? I would have said something at the time but I was trapped behind the bar.

If I were to get a tattoo it would have to be one of my own design (I used to be an artist).

At one point in time I wanted to get the names of every musical group I was in tattooed on my arms. but then the music groups stopped wanting me, and the list of names was too short to be a good tattoo...

I don't ever want piercings or other body modifications.

Out of my head. God damn it. I've been wanting to do almost exactly that for about 10 years now.

Also want to get my wife's zodiac (the scales) with mine on one plate, and the kids' on the other.

As for piercing, left ear and left nip. Ooh.

You saucy devil.

In Reply To #1

I have neither any tattoos nor piercings. I've been told it's odd, given i've been playing in death metal bands for the past ten years, and have so many friends who are tattooists and whatnot.

I attribute it to two things: 1. I hate needles. 2. I've never been able to decide on something I like enough to put on my body.

The trick, I find, is not to look for a design that you really, really, really like: Those are the designs that you get tired of, and regret. What you want is something you're comfortable with, something you can look at every day.

This is why I think there are trends in tattoo design: A lot of people are uncomfortable with having designs that do stand out and are unusual, so they go for those designs which are, admittedly, somewhat mundane, but please them aesthetically, as opposed to making them stand out.

I myself have done so many variations of barbed wire, celtic crosses, celtic knots, southern crosses, fleur-de-lis, ace of spades, roses, anchors and pin-up girls. The trick is to make each version of the design you do unique, which is difficult, admittedly, but surprisingly satisfying when you turn out a particularly good one.

(I will admit that 99% of the tattoos I put on other people I would never, ever, ever put on myself, and I say this as someone who does all the flash himself, as opposed to pulling designs from a book like so many scratchers out there)

Also, Quiz, I have been in that restaurant many times, when were you working there?

I love you. I seriously do. I may even want to marry you for this.

No tattoos for me. For one, I think I'd have to hit tenure first. For two, I've never found something I'd be comfortable having for a long time. I've found designs I've liked and thought "that'd be a nice tattoo" but I could tell they were more of the passing fancy type. If I ever do get one it'd probably be something small on the inside of my wrist (I understand those hurt like hell to get). I can't get anything bigger, even that is pushing it. I'm a fat man, getting a tattoo just makes fat men look pretentious, unless they're bikers.

In Reply To #10

I was working from 2009 sometime to October 2010-ish, with a couple months break in the middle.
I'm still in contact with a bunch of former employees and managers from there - at the time it was a fantastic place to work because everyone was so much fun. I went to Italy to meet a few of them about a year ago and I still Skype/email a few others.
Also, I think the menu has changed, but if the seafood crepe is still on it. DON'T ORDER IT. I never had it myself, but the smell of seafood and melted cheese. Jesus. I don't know how people ordered that and, apparently, enjoyed it.

In Reply To #12

I loathe seafood as a rule, when I'm out and about, I tend to order chicken, as my girlfriend can't eat it, so I never get to chow down on cock when we cook at home.

The idea of having a tattoo has been around for a while. I've never gotten around to it because I'm afraid that the moment it's inked, I'll start hating it.

The idea for it, however has been around for a while. I mean, the same idea.

I've gone from six earrings to none. I had a shitload of them and them started dropping them down the sink drain or waking up and finding one just missing until I started having to leave holes empty. Finally I was down to 2 then I lost one and said fuck it and let them all close.

As for tats, I always say there's only one way to find out. Come get some.